Undisclosed Desires
by GuardianAngel28
Summary: Old story re-written and with a possible alternate ending. : hope you all would like this version better. Don't forget to read and review!
1. I Can't Remember When It Was Good

_**Prologue**_

_**I Can't Remember When It Was Good.**_

"I'm sorry Monica. I just think "us" won't work." This was the last thing Chandler said to Monica before she left for Boston. Actually, in his heart and mind, he knows it'll work. Monica is his future, his family, his life. But all of those dreams went to the drain when Monica told Chandler that there was a job offering in Boston, as head chef in a 5-star hotel.

It took Chandler a year or so to heal himself from the pain he has gone through. Though not completely healed, he wants to believe that he is. How can he forget the best thing that he ever had? He was willing to give up everything he had just to spend the rest of his life with his lady.

_Winter of 2000._

"_Hello, Ms. Geller, I just want to tell that your application for the position of head chef in Hilton Hotel has been approved, but there is a slight dilemma. The only open position is in our branch in Boston. It is the only position we can offer you. If you are interested though, please give us a call-back." Then the answering machine beeped indicating the end of the message. _

_While the message was playing, Chandler heard everything. What? What's up with Hilton Hotel? Why are they calling up Monica and telling her that her application was approved? Monica never mentioned anything about that? It would be way too important for her not to tell me this. Chandler was reflecting what the woman on the other line was saying when suddenly Monica arrived from work._

"_Hey honey." Monica looked and observed what Chandler was doing. She knew Chandler so well. She knows when something is bothering him, and right now, something __**is**__ bothering him. "Hon, what's wrong?"_

_Chandler jolted; he didn't realize that Monica was already in front of him. "No…nothing… its just… Mon, you're happy with your job, right?" Chandler asked._

"_What? Of course I am. Why would you think I wouldn't be happy in Alessandro's?" Monica was confused with Chandler's question. It was so out of the blue and they seldom talk about their jobs._

"_Really? What if… what if a five star hotel would hire you? Would you accept that job?" Chandler knew his question could make or break his day._

"_Of course I would! I mean I know I'll never get in that kind of place. I'm a good chef but those who works there are way too good. Way out of my league. But if ever I get in to one of those sophisticated, five-star hotels, I would do anything, and I mean everything to stay in that job and live my life bragging to people I'm a chef in a five-star restaurant."_

_Chandler was silent. He did not know how to tell her girlfriend that her dream job had just left a message asking her to leave New York and start anew in Boston. _

"_Mon, I... I think you have a message. Why don't you answer it?" _

_Monica pressed the play button and the girl's voice was again on the background. It could be seen through Monica's face the excitement and pride she felt when she heard it. It was the best day of her life, but then her eyes widened when she realized the one person who wouldn't be that happy upon hearing the message._

"_Oh my god." These were the only words that escaped Monica's lips._

"_Why didn't you tell me?" _

"_I'm sorry honey, but I never thought that I would get the job." Monica tried to explain._

Chandler was silent for a while, but then got the courage to ask his girlfriend. "So, a_re you gonna take it? Okay, let me rephrase that. When are you leaving?" Chandler asked Monica sarcastically, hoping it could mask his what he truly feels. Deep inside, he was hopelessly wishing that Monica would decide not to go._

Monica noticed the sarcastic remark Chandler made and knows that no matter how hard she tries to sugarcoat her answer, he would end up getting upset."_Honey, Y... You can go with me to Boston with me?" That was the best she could do._

"_I can't. I have my job here, my friends, our friends, if you could still remember them. I can't just leave everything behind. Why don't you wait a little longer, maybe in a month or two? Maybe there'd be an opening here in New York."_

"_Chandler, I can't let this opportunity pass. What if there won't be an opening? What if this is the kind of opportunity that comes once in a lifetime? I can't risk that. Its just too hard, and dumb." Monica tried to explain._

"_Then there is nothing to talk about. It looks like you've already made up your mind. Well then, I guess its good-bye then. Happy trip too…" Chandler left the apartment slamming the door and left Monica all by herself inside. _

_Monica collapsed on the floor, sobbing hard because she knew this was the end. If only she could explain to Chandler the real reason why she needed to accept the job in Boston. If only she could…_

_End of Flashback. _

"Why didn't I just go with her to Boston? We could have had that 'happy ever after' thing. If only I realized that the so called thing-I-can't-leave-behind is nothing compared to her. And now, the only thing I can do is to sit here and think of her." Chandler was again beating himself for the wrong decision he made. He had never regretted anything more in his life than his decision to stay in New York.

Even if Monica would once in a while come to visit her friends in New York, it was just too painful to see his ex-love-of-his-life to have moved on too quickly. It was as if they shared nothing special; as if they were just **goofing** **around**. It was hard for him to believe that he meant nothing to her while he made her the center of his universe.

He knew something was not right. She easily moved on but whenever they locked eyes, the love which they once shared could be easily felt. But Chandler knew she loved him no more, for every time this happens, Monica quickly looks to another direction, trying to avoid his eye contact.

It was really hard to believe that everything they've worked hard for their relationship meant nothing because now, they were just awkward with each other. The once 'perfect love' that everyone thought they had instantly vanished and none of them even knew why.

Chandler's thoughts were suddenly disrupted when Joey entered their apartment and told him the good news. Well, it was not actually that good for him.

"Hey man, have you heard? Monica is coming back! She quit her job there in Boston."

TBC.


	2. Say That You Love Me

**_Chapter 1_**

**_Say That You Love Me  
_**

Chandler's eyes grew bigger. He never expected that he would hear those words again. He thought he could never be with Monica for more than 2 weeks.

"What? Ho…how is that possible? Why would she quit? It was her dream job? She would never do such a thing!"

"It's true. She called Ross and told him that she's coming home and that she needs a place to stay."

"So... when is she coming back?" Chandler asked, semi-happy that he could possibly spend more time with Monica despite their ugly past.

"Two, three weeks? I dunno. But she'll be here soon. Man, aren't you excited? With Monica back, it's like the old times. The whole gang, drinking coffee at Central Perk. How great could that be? Plus, with Monica staying here temporarily, I think that we're gonna have a blast!"

Chandler's eyes even grew wider. Monica can't stay in **their** apartment. It was just too awkward and they shared too many memories here. It would be like torture to see Monica everyday and knowing that she's just in the other room. He might do something that he'd end up regretting. "Why? Why? Why? W... why would she stay here? Did she really say she wanted to live here? Apartment 20? Did she really specify this apartment?" Chandler was babbling these words out of confusion.

"Dude… what's your problem? Aren't you happy that Monica's gonna live here for a while? You know what happened to her grandmother's apartment, right?. If only the fire was caught fast… well... Thanks to **you**, most of their stuff got burned. Just think of it this way, if Monica's here, we can see her naked once in a while... Wouldn't that be great?!"

"Did you hear what you just said, Jo? She is my ex-girlfriend! Joey, you were here when my world was falling apart because of her!"

Joey was confused. He thought everything was okay. "But, you said you've moved on?"

"No! How can I move on?" Chandler sighed. "She's the love of my life..."

"Wow. I'm sorry man, I didn't know that's how you felt." Joey paused for a while, thinking of a reason for Chandler to consider. "Hey, maybe this is a chance for you to bring back the good times! You know, the two of you alone in this apartment… Sharing a glass of wine while watching Notting Hill. Man believe me, something **will **happen." Joey couldn't hide the grin while imaging the scenario to his friend.

Chandler just stayed silent. He sure wanted that to happen, but was he willing to forget their painful past just to have another with her? He was still not sure about that. His mind wasn't even done debating whether he'd feel happy or not to with Monica's sudden decision. All he knows is that he'll be happy 'cause he could see Monica again and hang out with her more often. But on the other hand, he's scared that he might really lose it because he knows he's still madly in love with Monica. But he thought she was still a friend, and she really had no place to stay.

"Okay Joe, maybe it wouldn't be too bad if Monica stayed here. Does she know about this?"

"Yeah. And she was really thankful for letting her stay even just for a few months."

_Well, maybe it'll be good. Maybe I could live with her without harboring any romantic feelings for her? So that's my decision then… no more heartaches… No more wishing for another chance with Monica._ Chandler said in his mind.

For the past two weeks, Chandler had been trying to instill in his mind that he should forget Monica. Their relationship had ended 3 years ago. She couldn't have feelings for him anymore. Monica's such an attractive girl. Any man she likes could be hers in just a snap. On the other Chandler did not have any luck with his love life not only because of his eccentric attitude but also because he still could not accept that he the love of his life had slipped away.

After one month.

Chandler, Joey, Ross, Rachel and Phoebe decided that they would all go to the airport to welcome Monica. The whole gang was so excited. They missed Monica so much. Every time Monica visited New York, they spent with her most of the time. They sometimes even call in sick just to spend more time with her. They all missed the special bond they had. And now, when Monica's plane arrives, everything will be back to normal. They would spend their days hanging out at Central Perk, having breakfast at her apartment (well, after they fix it), and spend Thanksgiving the Monica way.

Monica's plane will arrived within an hour. She told them that her plane will arrive at around 6:30 pm. Chandler was getting a bit restless and kept on looking at his watch. He constantly glanced at his watch hoping that the hour has passed and that the plane had arrived. _Why am I excited to see her? I thought no more romance for me and Monica? _Chandler thought to himself. But no matter how hard he tries to fight the feeling of excitement, he just couldn't relax. And so once more, he looked at his watch and saw the time; it was 5:27…

_Flashback:_

"_Hello kids. Anyone missed me?" Chandler walked in to Monica and Rachel's apartment greeting everyone with his usual line._

"_Hey Chandler, you look happy today? Did we score last night?" Rachel asked him knowing that the glow on Chandler's face only meant one thing._

"_What? Me? Hey, that is just hurtful. Do you think that my only source of pleasure is sex? Ouch! I am officially hurt!"_

"_Oh my god. I'm so sorry honey. I just thought…" Rachel was trying to explain her side when Chandler suddenly interrupted her._

"_No I'm kidding… Sex is the only pleasure I have. And for your information, last night was the best I ever had! Could you believe that?!" Chandler was about to do his victory dance after announcing to everyone the-best-he-ever-had._

"_Woah man, I'm so happy for you! So who's this the-best-I-ever-had?" Ross asked out of curiosity._

"_Well… um…. She's… someone… someone you don't know." _

"_Oh really?" Monica asked and it could be sensed in her voice that she was curious as to what excuse would Chandler use now._

"_Yh… yes.. She's a girl from work! Yes! She is 1999 Ms. Statistical-Analysis-and-Data-Reconfiguration." _

"_Wow! She must be really hot then. Even if her job is sooo lame, just imputing numbers and all. Maybe I could meet her one day and you know… experience Joey love." Joey told his best friend. _

"_No you __**can**__ not." It could be sensed from his tone that he knows Joey would end up sleeping with her._

"_Any ways, I'm happy for you Chandler, but I got to go to my doctor's appointment. You know, 3 months from now I'd be giving birth to my brother's triplets. Does anyone want to come with me?" Phoebe asked her friends hoping that someone would actually volunteer to come with her. "Whoever comes with me would get a free massage?"_

"_O… ok! I'll come with you Pheebs! You know I won't let you go by yourself. It's such a dangerous place outside!" Joey said and escorting Phoebe to the door. _

"_Well then I should get going too. I have to go to the museum 'cause there is some situation there right now." Ross told Monica and kissed her goodbye._

"_Yeah Ross, could I go with you. I am going to the post office and it has the same route to the museum. I don't want to be walking alone you know." Rachel told Ross and waved goodbye to Monica and Chandler._

"_Well I guess we have the apartment for ourselves. How about I book you with the best you ever had?" Monica told Chandler while brushing her lips to his._

_Chandler glanced through the clock, it read 5:27 pm._

"_Wait Monica, there is something I want to give you." Chandler handed her a silver watch. It was his watch actually, and it was kind of old and you could see that the color was a bit faded._

"_Um… ok… Thank you? I guess? But, why are you giving this to me? Is this because I am the best you ever had and this is what I get for being the best? Hey mister, I'm not that cheap!" Monica was kind of confused as to why Chandler gave her the watch._

"_No! Its not that… Its just that, 5 months 27 days ago was the first time we hook up in London. And if you see the time it reads 5:27." Chandler explained to Monica._

"_So it's like our anniversary or something?" Monica teased. Chandler just gave her this cold look since she was not taking him seriously._

"_Okay sweetie, so what's so special about 5:27?"_

"_Look at the hands of the watch, it as if they're holding hands. They seem inseparable. Like us. Mon, we've been together for more than 5 months now, and I just want to tell you that these past months were the happiest days of my life. Monica, I love you. And there will be no one else I would love more than you."_

_Monica could not believe what she heard. Her best friend, Chandler told her he loves her. The Chandler who was afraid of commitments, her best friend Chandler who was afraid to harbor feelings because he might get hurt. This Chandler was actually telling her he loves her!_

"_Wow. That's huge. Oh my god Chandler. I could not believe it. I mean at first I thought to myself that this could never happen. I know you so well and I never thought that you'd actually fall in love…especially with me. I mean, before, I already felt that I was falling in love with you, but then I began to realize that you might not learn to love me. And now that you are telling me this, I am just the happiest woman alive." Monica moved to Chandler, locking him in a hug. After this, they sealed the deal with a passionate kiss, and then everything was utopian. It was so magical. It was the start of something more, something that both of them always wanted. _

"_We'll be like the hands of the clock when it strikes 5:27. We'll never be apart... until the end of time…"_

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	3. I Travelled Half The World To Say IBTU

_**Chapter 3**_

_**I Travelled Half The World To Say I Belong To You.**_

_My new LSS!:) hehehe!:)) very nice song by Muse titled I belong to you which is also featured in the New Moon Soundtrack._

"How long has it been?" Ross asked Chandler who seemed to be glancing at his watch from time to time.

"6:02." Chandler answered Ross in an awfully nervous tone.

"Hey, what's the matter man? Aren't you excited that Monica's coming home." Ross asked his best friend sensing his nervousness from the way he answered him.

"Wh… what? Excited how? I'm not excited. Why would I be excited? I mean it's just Monica. She's been here before. We've been together before. Why would I still be excited? I mean, come on, she's just a regular girl, you know, with hair and eyes and all…" Chandler knew that his response only made it clear that he was excited **and **at the same time nervous. Ross just nodded along, not wanting get into Chandler's insane answer. Up to this point, Chandler kept telling himself that he's okay. That he wasn't nervous or excited. What he was feeling was normal since Monica was a close friend. But is she **just **a friend?

Little did Chandler know that Monica was feeling the same way. While she was in the plane, she was feeling so uncomfortable. She knew that her friends would start to ask questions as to why she had left her job and decided to come back home. _Sure they would think that I was fired? But that's not true. Being the head chef is like being the boss. You can never get fired! The only way you could leave your job is either you burn the whole kitchen on purpose or quit the job. And they __**know**__ I would never burn the kitchen! I just hope that they'll buy my excuse. And how can I face Chandler especially now that I'll be staying this place? I mean I have visited them in New York but he would just make up excuses for not being with me. Either he had to work with his WENUS or it was his colleague's birthday. He just never runs out of excuses! For three years that I've visited him in New York, not once was I able to hang out with him. _

Monica was feeling pressured as to how he will face Chandler. She loved him. She **still** loved him. She knew that their night in London was the start of a new beginning, and she never thought of falling head over heels with her best friend. They've known each other for such a long time and she never felt any romance for him. But after the night in London, boom! It was like a bus which hit her. Cupid really had done a job well done. Since then she just didn't want to leave his side. She wanted to be with him 24/7, but she didn't know that there was one thing that made them fall apart.

_This secret has been killing me for such a long time and I know I had to tell it to you. _Monica was trying to practice her speech for Chandler. _If I continue my life knowing that I hid this from you, I know you'll end up hating me so badly that you'd rather kill me. I know it's been 3 years now and I had every opportunity to tell you. But how could I start? How could I tell you this? If I told you this secret, I know you'd hate my guts. And I would begin to hate myself because I know it was my fault to start with. _

_Three years have passed and now, I have mustered every ounce of confidence that I could ever have. I have to tell this to you. I need to, before this eats me up alive._ Monica was trying to convince herself that it is time to let the cat out of the bag. 3 years is such a long time and she thinks now is the right time.

She looked up at the small television which hung above the cabin. She saw that they were about to land. In about 15 minutes, she has to face reality. She had practiced what she'll say to her friends in the mirror for some time now. And today, she's going to do her live performance. She knew that she could not forget any of the lines that she'll say. One wrong word and everything would be different.

Every time Monica felt nervous, she would put her hand in her pocket. Not only does the warmth of her cotton blue jeans ease her tension, but she could also feel the greatest gift she has ever receive in her entire life- the wrist watch Chandler gave to her.

When she was in Boston, not once did she ever forget to bring this with her. She found herself feeling safe every time this piece of jewelry was near her body. She believed that this watch was the only piece of Chandler Bing left with her, and every time she stroked the cool steel of the watch, she would imagine that it was Chandler's face that she was caressing. And every time she looked at the face of the watch, she would remember Chandler's promise- that he'll never leave her side. _He kept his word. He never left me. __**I**__ left him. I hope he understands why I left for Boston. _Monica was tried to reassure herself again. How much she wishes that Chandler was still in love with her and that the excuses he made when she visited were made because he got hurt of leaving him. All these thoughts finally came to an end when the stewardess announced that the plane has landed. She didn't even feel that the plane was descending. She was so hooked up with her thoughts that she was not aware of her surroundings.

Everyone started to disembark the plane. Monica got her luggage and went straight to the baggage counter. She wanted to meet her friends. She wanted to see Chandler, to get over the tension that was making her all jittery. When she claimed her baggage, she went to the gate and started to look for familiar faces.

"Monica! Right here!" She heard a faint voice calling from behind. After a while did it register in her mind that the voice belonged to Phoebe. She saw them but they were a bit far, so she started walking in their direction.

Everyone was anticipating the moment in which they could go and hug Monica. She was still a few meters away, and they were getting really excited.

_You can do this Chandler. You don't love Monica. She's just a friend. She's your ex-lover who left you all alone in your cold apartment. You hate her… No, you don't hate her, you love her, but in an appropriate amount. When she comes near you, just smile. You can also shake her hand, I guess? _Chandler thought to himself.

The airport was really crowded especially in this time of the day. The only thing that they could see was the grin on Monica's face. And she was really glowing. They didn't knew why, but she had this certain glow that made her even more beautiful.

"Wow! Does she look hot?" Ross gave an evil look when Joey blurted this out.

"Well, she always did." Chandler whispered to Joey and then tried to hold it back after he realized that he was still on the I'm-not-in-love-with-Monica plan.

_Or maybe a kiss on the cheek, she won't mind. I guess?_

Chandler too had this huge smile, as though he slept with a hanger that night and his smile just reached his ears. He was now excited to see Monica and he **knew **that he was really excited this time. He figured that everything would be back to normal as soon as Monica was by his side.

_Okay, and now I'm thinking about her by my side. Nice plan for someone who plans to get over his ex-girlfriend!_

But Chandler couldn't take it anymore. Just seeing Monica walking towards them, and knowing that she'll stay forever made him fall in love with her all over again. And then he finally decided that he would pursue Monica and would leave everything in the past. And with this he thought that the best way to let Monica know that he's going to woo her is by giving her a kiss on the lips.

Monica was inching closer to her friends. She was so excited to see them again, knowing that she would not have to leave them again. She also saw Chandler's smile. It was still that cute smile that he wore every time he told her that he loved her.

Only a few inches left until he could once again reach for her lips. When she was finally within reach, he did not mind his surroundings, his friends, the passers-by or anything that was in that moment, he just grabbed her face and inched closer to her lips, leaving a passionate kiss. When both heads finally separated from the fiery kiss, Monica introduced someone to her friends.

"Hey everyone, this is Angelique, my daughter."

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